And that got me thinking of the last time it snowed. It's the only thing I can mentally picture that makes me want to stifle my breathing, because it was so fucking beautiful. I don't want to ruin it, even though it has long since melted.

About 2 years ago, I opened the front door around 8 at night and the snowfall was slowing down. There were maybe 4 inches on the ground (I live in the South, so it's a big deal). I looked out across my yard, the road, our neighbor's lawn, and beyond, and it was all covered in a white blanket-- no one had been out to play/drive in it yet and it was completely untouched and flawless. The grass blended with the asphalt and, except for the houses, this must have been how the snow has fallen for however many years the clouds have been delivering snow. It was night time, but the street lights were on and somehow reflected against the snow, so it was bright and everything was visible, like right before the sun rises.

But my single-most favorite thing about that night, was the silence. The snow absorbed all of the noise and all I could hear was my own exhalation-- everything else was as quiet as at that moment when you realize your ears need to pop. Everything is subdued, cushioned, soft, muffled, and mellow. There is nothing like that calm.

So, you guys don't know that much about me (at all), so I have to figure out where I can possibly begin. This feels like a rebirth where I have to create my own persona. I've never understood how people could be completely different from themselves, even online, because this is me. I think how I think and that's that. Ok, now I know what to write about.

I know that personalities create their own... character. This is weird, because the wording makes it sound like the personality isn't a human, when that's what a human is, but let me explain. You probably know what I'm talking about: you're in a social setting when something is said and you think, dude, that was really funny/original/enlightening/witty/etc, I wish I had said it! I have that thought sometimes (most of the time it's the witty one). Damn, if I had said that, everyone would be laughing at my hysterical observation right now. Then I think, however, that if I had made that witty observation, it probably wouldn't have been received with the same colored glasses at all. Ok, now I feel another example coming on:

What specifically comes to mind is my American History class in my junior year of high school. There was this kid who had, like, the best sense of humor ever. I never really talked to him, but I used to tell stories about the things he said to people I knew all the time-- I feel like he should have gone on to write jokes for The Colbert Report, and I freaking love that show. So, anyways, he was always spouting off hilarious one-liners that had me cracking up, and maybe it wasn't even what he said, but as his jokes built up in number, it became a part of how I perceived him. It got to the point where I couldn't even look at him without thinking of something he'd said earlier and I'd just start laughing at nothing. Whenever he said something, I would anticipate "funny"-- I'd be in the mood for funny-- and then quips would come out and my expectations would be rewarded.

Some of the stuff he talked about were things that I'd thought of, or at least they were opinions that I shared (another alluring aspect of his humor was that he paid attention to current events and politics and incorporated them into his jokes, but I'm staying on topic), so I would picture what it would be like if I had said such a thing. In this hypothetical world where I made the witty observation, I don't see people laughing; in that class I was quiet, I did my work, got As, and just minded my own business-- if I had said whatever it was that this kid said (or anything at all), I'm pretty sure everyone would have simply turned around in their seats and stared at me for a few seconds (that girl has a larynx?!) (and maybe I'd have gotten an MLIA submission out of it). In short, it wouldn't have been met with the same reception. How unfortunate.

Have you ever had this thought or am I just overthinking it? And, if I'm not alone in this theory, why do you think it is? I can come up with a few reasons why: because it's expected of the person, because people talk to specific people when they're in particular moods (and vice-versa), and maybe it just has to do with delivery-- maybe he got the laughs because he had the self-confidence to commit to the joke and the potency just shined through. What do you think?